Новости за 16.06.2023

A 21-year-old from California set a new world record by solving a 3-by-3-by-3-inch Rubik’s Cube in just 3.13 seconds. What do you think?

SANDUSKY, OH—Following a mass shooting at an area mall that left 12 dead and another seven wounded, law enforcement officials released to the public Friday a novelty Wild West photo of the suspect they had taken into custody. “Thanks to the actions of our quick-thinking officers, we were able to arrest the shooter,…

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Following numerous incidents in the Strait of Gibraltar, The Onion asked orcas to explain why they are attacking and sinking boats, and this is what they said.

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PORTLAND, OR—Noting that this was precisely why such relationships were prohibited by human resources, employees at Celera Solutions reportedly grew disgusted Friday at the sight of the frail, malformed child produced by a forbidden relationship between two coworkers. “Look at its pale transparent skin, and its…

STANFORD, CA—Calling on the public to “Please, just listen first,” scientists at Stanford University sheepishly announced Thursday, “Don’t get mad, but we accidentally found the cure for homosexuality.” “Wait, hold on, everybody calm down—we’re just the messengers here, okay?” said researcher Eduardo Soto, who wiped…

EUREKA, MO—Shock waves hit the St. Louis–area community Friday when at least 56 people reportedly died at the grand opening of the new Six Flags Fire Park. “Tragically, more than a dozen people lost their lives or sustained life-threatening injuries on the three-story Blaze of Glory fire slide alone, and first…

WASHINGTON—Having long sought to place a viable alternative to Donald Trump at the head of the party’s ticket, top GOP power brokers finally decided Thursday to rally behind the late Herman Cain for president in 2024. “After much discussion with my fellow Republicans, I have decided to back Herman Cain as our party’s…

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Beatles singer–songwriter Paul McCartney says artificial intelligence was used to “extricate” his former bandmate John Lennon’s vocals from an old recording, allowing them to be cleaned up and featured in an upcoming track. What do you think?