Новости за 07.06.2023

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After the tech company introduced the Apple Vision Pro, The Onion asked Apple fans what they thought about the new VR headset, and this is what they said.

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Robert F. Kennedy Jr. has been making headlines due to pushing anti-vaccine propaganda, conspiracies about health, and launching his presidential campaign. The Onion sits down with the fringe Democrat to discuss his political principles.

CINCINNATI—A heartrending scene unfolded at a Tuesday night baseball game between the Cincinnati Reds and Los Angeles Dodgers when a child reportedly snatched a foul ball away from an adult who could’ve really used the win. When the foul ball was hit into the stands during the sixth inning, it reportedly roused the…

GROVELAND, CA—Saying he knew he’d made a mistake the second he looked down at his shopping cart in the checkout line, local man Travis Fischer begrudgingly admitted to reporters Wednesday that he had purchased way too many overripe melons after going to the grocery store horny. “What was I thinking? Sure, I’m aroused…

Apple announced a mixed-reality headset called Apple Vision Pro that “seamlessly” blends the real and digital worlds, which will start at $3,499 and launch early next year beginning in the U.S market. What do you think?

DEARBORN, MI—Touting the new offering as the latest in safety, driving efficiency, and comfort, Ford officials unveiled Wednesday their new four-lane SUV. “Our all-new 2024 Ford Explorer 4XLT offers premium interior flexibility at a reasonable price point, boasting a 10 L 16-cylinder engine, 2,700 horsepower, and…

INDIANAPOLIS—Announcing that landmark new laboratory methods had made the once dreamed-of medication a reality, pharmaceutical company Eli Lilly unveiled insulin Wednesday that doesn’t work on poor people. “Thanks to our proprietary advancements in cellular technology, the active ingredients in insulin will now only…

ARLINGTON, VA—In an effort to bring more visitors to the military burial site, officials at Arlington National Cemetery announced Wednesday they had added a zip line. “With holes in our budget and tourism numbers on the decline for years, we don’t see any reason why the new Arlington National Cemetery can’t inspire…