Новости за 25.10.2018

The Secret Service revealed that it found explosive devices in mail sent to former President Barack Obama and former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton as well as Joe Biden, CNN, and liberal philanthropist George Soros. What do you think?

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ST. LOUIS, MO—Explaining that the severity of the situation called for desperate and perhaps even borderline extreme measures, recently dumped woman Ruth Beneke, 26, called her wildest friend up from the bench of associates and acquaintances Thursday in order to help her ease the pain from a recent breakup. “I have so…

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CLIFTON, NJ—Citing the nationwide surge in growth of the average American registered to cast a ballot over the past several years, political researchers working for SurveyUSA predicted this week that the 2018 midterm elections will likely feature the largest voter in decades. “If growth trends continue, we can expect…

A recent study found that 42 percent of cancer patients diagnosed between 2002 and 2012 lost their life savings and 62 percent reported being in debt due to their treatment. What do you think? 

BALTIMORE—A study published Thursday by researchers at Johns Hopkins University found that the effectiveness of medical treatment skyrockets when the doctor acts like a condescending dick. “Our research proves that a patient’s long-term prognosis is directly and positively tied to having an MD who is an unrepentant,…

PITCAIRN ISLANDS—Excited at the prospect of gifting the prized relic to his beloved new spouse, a romantic Prince Harry reportedly surprised Meghan Markle Thursday with one of his family’s heirloom colonies. “I’m so in love with Meghan that I knew I wanted to do something truly special for her, just because. I know it…

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TULSA, OK—Describing the experience as “no fucking picnic,” an as-yet-unnamed newborn protruding halfway out of his mother’s vagina confirmed Thursday that the 14-hour labor experience had not exactly been a cakewalk for him, either. “Just so we’re clear, this sucks for me, too. I would love to get someone to wipe the…

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Elon Musk’s Boring Company announced that it will open a proof-of-concept high-speed tunnel beneath Los Angeles on Dec. 10 and offer free rides to visitors on the following day, teasing the potential future of transportation. What do you think?