Новости за 19.12.2018

LOS ANGELES—Fresh off her victory in last night’s finale of The Voice, 16-year-old country singer Chevel Shepherd told reporters Wednesday she was excited to use the $50 Chili’s gift card she received for winning the televised singing competition. “After all those months of hard work, to win 50 bucks to spend on…

Merriam-Webster named “justice” the Word Of The Year for 2018, explaining that “the concept of justice was at the center of many of our national debates in the past year: Racial justice, social justice, criminal justice, economic justice.” What do you think?

BALTIMORE—Sighing in exasperation and repeatedly checking the clock as he completed a number of menial tasks, area man Alan Stover confirmed Wednesday he had spent a long day at work waiting until he could finally go home and be lonely. “It’s so annoying having to be here in the office doing all this tedious paperwork…

OAKLAND, CA—Quashing rumors that the team was looking to make an early exit for Las Vegas, the Oakland Raiders announced plans Wednesday to play the entirety of their 2019 home schedule in Head Coach Jon Gruden’s backyard. “This is really the perfect venue for this this team—in fact, I think playing in my yard will…

SAINT PAUL, MN—Saying that he had “a really good feeling about today,” excited firefighter Pat Morales, 37, took the first opportunity he had on his Wednesday shift to check his fire station’s drop-off bin for any unwanted babies that may have come in while the crew was away. “Every time I come to work, I try to be…

Nearly halfway through his presidential term, Donald Trump has continued to exist in a perpetual state of controversy, and 2018 provided no shortage of outrageous moments. The Onion looks back at the most significant events in the Trump presidency in 2018.

VATICAN CITY—Excitedly catching a glimpse of his name atop the cast list posted outside the Apostolic Palace, an ecstatic Pope Francis told reporters Wednesday that he had finally landed the role of a lifetime playing Mary in the annual St. Peter’s Christmas Pageant. “Oh my God, Mary—I got Mary!” said a visibly…

BEVERLY HILLS, CA—Millions of terrified Americans were fleeing their homes in an attempt to outrun the towering tidal waves of thick brunette hair that began flowing across the nation Wednesday when Bosley hair restoration technicians lost control of what was supposed to be a routine medical procedure. “Pass me the…

Kimberly-Clark is recalling U by Kotex Sleek regular absorbency tampons after reports of the tampons unraveling or coming apart upon removal, which caused some users to seek medical attention. What do you think?