I used to dread social events until I realized introverts are approaching them all wrong
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If you’re an introvert, a random social invite can feel intrusive and frustrating, especially when you had plans to recharge alone (or in a low-key environment) on your own terms.
Even a planned social invite can feel intrusive, especially when you have plenty of time to think about why it won’t be the best use of your time.
I used to dread social events and came up with a plethora of reasons why I shouldn’t go:
- The event won’t be fun.
- The event will wear me out.
- I don’t like the people who would be there.
- I don’t know the people who would be there.
- I have better things to do.
A lot of times, I would talk myself out of going to social events. But, if I couldn’t get out of an event, I just had to put myself in the social situation and deal with it.
When I did, something strange would frequently happen. Once I got out of my “this is going to be a horrible experience” funk, I frequently would have a pretty decent time. I would usually leave worn out, but my prediction of how awful the event was going to be often didn’t end up panning out. Personality research helps to explain why this kind of thing happens.
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Research has found that acting extroverted feels pretty good for introverts
Believe it or not, in study after study (both lab-based and experience studies), researchers have found that when introverts act extroverted, introverts, on average, actually report increased feelings of what is called “positive affect.”
In layman’s terms, that means that acting extroverted actually seems to be enjoyable to introverts.
… so why don’t they do it more often?
The data linking acting extroverted to positive affect led a team of researchers at Carleton University in Ottawa to ask the question: if acting extroverted makes introverts feel good, why don’t they do it more often? (If you’re an introvert, you’ve probably already come up with a list of five reasons in response to that question.)
The researchers tested this idea across five studies. From those studies, the researchers discovered something very interesting:
Introverts consistently predicted that acting extroverted would feel worse than it actually did.
More specifically, introverts tended to over-predict the negative emotions and self-consciousness that they would feel when acting extroverted.
Could it be, the researchers speculated, that part of the reason introverts act extroverted less often is because they anticipate that doing so will feel bad? If people anticipate that something is going to feel bad, they will likely avoid doing it. While the reason for introverts acting introverted so often is definitely more complex than what was explored in the study, their discovery is certainly worth consideration.
The researchers ended their study with this suggestion:
“We feel confident in suggesting to our introverted readers that a few more moments of extroverted behavior might be good for their happiness (even if they do not think so).”
Jonathan Alexander is a blogger, author, and coach at InfluentialExtrovert.com. His book, "The Ambivert Mindset: Discover How to Unlock Your Best Self by Igniting Your Curiosity and Living Beyond the Introvert-Extrovert Divide," is available on Amazon.
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