The 4-second mental reset that can immediately improve your relationships
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Most people approach relationships backwards.
It's not that our intentions are bad. Our attention is just in the wrong place: on ourselves rather than the other person.
It turns out, a little empathy is all you need to fix nearly any situation.
Empathy is perhaps the most needed skill in life and business.
Without it, your relationships and business will be shallow and irrelevant.
Example:
You're late for dinner with a friend because a work call went a little long.
What's the first thing you do when you meet your waiting friend? You explain why you're late. In other words, you validate yourself.
But what ends up coming of this?
Your friend may be nice and brush it off, but there's still a sense of hurt.
If this behavior repeats, trust, and thus intimacy, will be lost.
Better Approach:
You're late for dinner with a friend because a work call went a little long. What's the first thing you do when you meet your waiting friend?
In his book, "Four Seconds," Peter Bregman explains that it only takes four seconds to reframe your paradigm to best relate to your friend.
Here's the simple formula:
- Before you meet your friend, stop and take a few deep breathes. Let go of your work, it's behind you now.
- Think about your friend. She's been patiently waiting for you and you're late for the expected meeting time.
That's all.
Rather than validating your behavior, validate your friend's emotions.
Rather than explaining your situation, you empathetically explain (in few words) how sorry you are for being late, and how frustrating it must be waiting.
Your friend feels acknowledged, everything's fine, and you can move on. This basically sums up Dale Carnegie's book, "How to Win Friends & Influence People."
Conclusion
How would your relationships change if you stopped defending yourself and instead, thought more about the other person? Most people are extremely forgiving when they feel validated, when they feel genuinely thought about and cared for.
How would your business change if you were more thoughtful about those you work with, and your customers?
The two most underutilized words in the English language are: I'm sorry.
That's often all that needs to be said. Stop trying to explain yourself. No one cares.
Instead of always thinking about what you can get out of a relationship, think about what you can put into it. Your relationships will be deeper, and your business will be more relevant.
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