12 signs you should dump the person who cheated on you
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Should you leave your partner after they cheated? While you're the only one who can ultimately make that decision for yourself, there are some tell-tale signs that it's a better idea than not.
If you’re weighing the pros and cons, here’s a list of red flags that might mean it’s not worth staying together.
You caught them red-handed but they still won’t admit it happened — or they don’t tell you the whole truth.
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If you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that your partner has cheated on you but they refuse to admit it, or they downplay the details, this isn’t a good sign.
"Spouses repeatedly tell me that what made them leave the relationship wasn’t the affair — it was the drip, drip, drip of the truth that slowly leaked out over a long period of time," Caroline Madden told HuffPost. "They would just get used to the facts that had been revealed, start to adjust and trust again and then boom — more information would surface."
The best approach is for your partner to be up-front in the very beginning. If they’re willing to lie or withhold information at any point, it’s not a good sign for your relationship’s longevity.
Your partner refuses to apologize.
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A refusal to apologize can bely greater issues that need resolving. Dr. Harriet Lerner covers the psychology behind apologies in her book, "Why Won’t You Apologize? Healing Big Betrayals and Everyday Hurts."
"Some people who hurt you will never apologize and the worse the harm, the less likely an apology will ever be forthcoming," Lerner told Forbes. "People who do serious harm stand on a small rickety platform of self-worth. They can’t allow themselves to really experience the harm they’ve done because to do so would flip them into an identity of worthless and shame."
A person in this headspace might not be able to do the emotional work necessary to repair a broken relationship.
Your partner said sorry once, and thinks that should be enough.
CBS
It’s often traumatizing to find out your partner’s cheated. It merits more than one apology.
But some cheaters don’t see it that way. "I already said I was sorry," your partner might say, "what more do you need?"
"Often I hear something like, ‘I told you I was sorry about the affair 10 times so let’s drop it already,’" Lerner told Forbes. "That won’t cut it. High-stakes situations calls for an apology that’s a long-distance run — where we open our heart and listen to the feelings of the hurt part on more than one occasion."
See the rest of the story at Business Insider
See Also:
- 8 men share why they forgave their partners for cheating
- 10 signs your partner may be cheating on you based on their body language
- 10 women explain why they forgave their partners for cheating