I’m a serial heart breaker – how can I change?

DEAR DEIDRE: Whenever I get close to a woman, I pull away and end the relationship.

I love the thrill of the chase and the feeling of being wanted, but I find it impossible to commit. How do I change?

I’m 34 and would love to settle down and have a family, like many of my friends.

Instead I fear I’m going to end up a sad, lonely old bachelor because I’m hopeless in relationships.

I’m a reasonably attractive guy, I’m financially stable and I have a decent personality, so I have no trouble attracting women.

But a few months after I start seeing someone, I start finding fault and planning my exit.

I want to understand why I’m like this. I don’t like breaking women’s hearts, and I know I’ve hurt a lot of good people.

DEIDRE SAYS: It takes courage to admit you have a problem and to want to change your behaviour.

It’s likely your commitment phobia stems from a past experience, perhaps in your childhood.

You may have felt abandoned and now run away from relationships before you can be hurt again.

Counselling would help you to get to the root cause and teach you methods to deal with it. My support pack about counselling will tell you more.

Also see my support pack, When Your Man Won’t Commit, which is designed for partners of commitment-phobes, but should help you too.