THE MAIN CHARACTER, Week 12: The team of the year - Each weekend in college football, there is one main character. The goal is to never be it.
Each week on college football Twitter, there is one main character. The goal is to never be it.
Welcome to the weekly college football wrapup that recognizes this sport is about nothing but feelings, primarily about enjoying the bad ones suffered by people besides you.
It’s nothing but feelings, all the way down. Made-up polls determine which teams get the most attention and best postseason invites. Friendship clubs founded 100 years ago determine which teams get to call themselves “powers.” Recruiting is about the feelings of 17-year-old boys, and even head coaches can vanish because some booster gifted the wrong color BMW.
So the college football internet is a potent stew. One does not watch one’s team win and then log off. No. One must maximize the advantage, storming rivals whose teams did not win, because the actually impactful Feelings Market never stops fluctuating. And if one’s team loses, there’s always punching down on somebody who had a worse weekend. Almost always.
Each day on twitter there is one main character. The goal is to never be it
— maple cocaine (@maplecocaine) January 3, 2019
Stream live college football games every week this season from conferences across the country on ESPN+.
Let’s see which of this week’s cast members earned MAIN CHARACTER honors.
Florida
The image that follows this tweet is not from the Gators’ loss to Missouri, but from an earlier game this year. However, you should just let this one-two tweet combo work a little magic on you.
Potentially coaching for his job, Dan Mullen punted on fourth-and-inches, kicked a field goal on fourth-and-2, and willfully let the game go to OT instead of trying to move the ball 35 yards into FG position with over a minute left.
— Bill Connelly (@ESPN_BillC) November 21, 2021
Dan Mullen knowing that he’s about to get $12 million in free money.
pic.twitter.com/LYAztuf7zM
— IAKOW Recruiting
(@IAKOWRecruiting) November 21, 2021
The Gators fired Mullen one day after a loss to a previously 5-5 Missouri, as well as one day after Mizzou head coach Eliah Drinkwitz delivered costumed vengeance a year in the making.
In case you forgot, here's how Dan Mullen showed up for last year's Mizzou postgame presser pic.twitter.com/0UD9I3Zy45
— Dave Matter (@Dave_Matter) November 21, 2021
The final image of the final game of Dan Mullen's Florida tenure: pic.twitter.com/ef3ZDqdYcd
— Nicole Auerbach (@NicoleAuerbach) November 21, 2021
Mizzou has now turned Florida back to the light side, then let Florida die due to elemental exposure and/or electrocuted cyborg parts. Mizzou will celebrate this redemption by burning the power armor that’d long functioned as Florida’s living tomb. Florida’s ghost — adorned with either an old guy’s haircut or a young guy’s haircut, depending on which version you’re watching — will enjoy watching this ceremony, then return a few years later to explain its greatest achievement wasn’t actually undone during a Fortnite voiceover.
Dan Mullen just lost to this guy pic.twitter.com/R8Z0UWXm0F
— lillian (@lil_hafley) November 21, 2021
SEC coaches fired immediately following losses to Mizzou:
Dan Mullen, 2021
Derek Mason, 2020
Bret Bielema, 2017
Butch Jones, 2017Derek Dooley (2012) & Joker Phillips (2012) were fired one week after losing to Missouri.
— Dave Matter (@Dave_Matter) November 21, 2021
Things really were going pretty well for Mullen’s Florida like seven minutes ago. Ah well, at least he’s rich.
Dan Mullen was 34-15 in 4 years at Florida, but Gators were 2-9 in last 11 games vs. Power 5 opponents. Only Power 5 schools w/worse record vs. P5 in that span:
Vanderbilt 0-11
Arizona 1-10
Kansas 1-10— Brett McMurphy (@Brett_McMurphy) November 21, 2021
Dan Mullen’s career at Florida pic.twitter.com/pO1wdJo6vR
— Ryan (@Ryanmcc09) November 20, 2021
Two months, three days and a lifetime ago: pic.twitter.com/XMdCoGRrVx
— Nicole Auerbach (@NicoleAuerbach) November 21, 2021
Dan Mullen was 29-6 at Florida with playoff hopes until this exact moment. pic.twitter.com/Te4mZeuGoL
— RedditCFB (@RedditCFB) November 21, 2021
Condolences are in order for Mullen’s advocates, most of whom seem to have some sort of connection to a town called Athens, Georgia.
Heck no. A guy has a little hiccup and he should be fired? He should at least get an extension to give him time to right the ship. Amen? Amen. https://t.co/UdicIrtodD
— FOST (@GeorgeFoster72) November 20, 2021
And, hey, remember that time Chip Kelly picked UCLA over Florida?
So did Scott Frost, who doesn’t even have a winning season. https://t.co/ahTA1p15tK
— Chris Vannini (@ChrisVannini) November 21, 2021
Alabama
Crimson Tide fans were again forced to endure the indignity of watching their team participate in a competitive game.
oh yes pic.twitter.com/gpYwDZJ53i
— BUM CHILLUPS AKA SPENCER HALL (@edsbs) November 21, 2021
USC
The Trojans lost 62-33 to their cross-town rivals and are unlikely to make a bowl, but neither of these things can possibly hurt worse than:
DTR getting an unsportsmanlike for being awesome and signing autographs after scoring a TD. #UCLA pic.twitter.com/I1xvO1b3er
— Robert Chavez (@_RobertChavez) November 20, 2021
Washington
The Huskies started the season ranked No. 20. They then lost to an FCS team, fired their head coach in a frenzy, and clinched a losing record against a really bad Colorado that accumulated all of 183 yards on the day.
Online, nobody’s all that furious about it (relatively), because nigh is the Apple Cup, the day when all feelings revert, flip, and pirouette, so why invest in any particular mood beforehand?
Wake Forest
Clemson beat the Demon Deacons. If you haven’t paid much attention to football for the last couple months, you’re wondering why this is big news. I guess it’s not.
Texas
Your weekly Bad Texas Stat:
Crazy stat: Steve Sarkisian is the first Texas coach to finish below .500 in his first season since Dana Bible in 1937. (h/t: @Omagus)
— Shehan Jeyarajah (@ShehanJeyarajah) November 20, 2021
This is great. This is really great for almost everyone. Look how much fun everyone is having, enjoying Texas being bad:
KU football has made it. pic.twitter.com/R55pdM1wpR
— Jesse Newell (@jessenewell) November 20, 2021
WVU is recognizing our servicemen and servicewomen on the field and all of them showing the Horns down sign LOL
— John Antonik (@JohnAntonik) November 20, 2021
Just how #HornsDown is Texas right now? pic.twitter.com/ySRUS6fBoc
— Cam Mellor (@CamMellor) November 20, 2021
Did not see that coming. pic.twitter.com/VJ4cxih6g1
— Cork Gaines (@CorkGaines) November 20, 2021
WVU players are doing a kegstand on the sideline
#wvu #texas #wvutexas #espn pic.twitter.com/6nQ7UojRMr
— Chip (@MrSecur1tyMan) November 20, 2021
UTSA is 11-0. Texas is 4-7. We have a #HornsDown spotted in the Alamodome
— Cameron Songer (@CameronSonger) November 21, 2021
Broadcast cameras also found Horns Down hands at Oregon-Utah and Colorado State-Hawaii, perhaps among others. A few years ago, when Big 12 teams were getting in trouble for spreading the hand sign beyond Oklahoma, some Texas fans declared they enjoyed living rent-free in heads throughout the country. Good! Everybody’s happy!
Let’s check in on Dan Rather and Dril.
Another heartbreaking loss for the Longhorns. I am starting to wonder if watching Texas football is prohibited by the Geneva Convention.
— Dan Rather (@DanRather) November 20, 2021
texas leaving the big 12 for the sec https://t.co/A0mFNHj2u2
— Josh Crutchmer (@jcrutchmer) November 20, 2021
Michigan State
Oh wow Georgia and Ohio State are both up 21-0 in the first quarter. Only difference is Georgia is playing Charleston Southern and Ohio State is playing #7 Michigan State
— Mekka Don (@MekkaDonMusic) November 20, 2021
28-0 after the first quarter for:
UGA hosting Charleston Southern, and
Ohio State hosting Michigan State
— ???????????????? ???????????????????????????????? (@ColorOfGrey) November 20, 2021
Ohio State is beating Michigan State as badly as Georgia is beating FCS school Charleston Southern pic.twitter.com/ZNe5cVDwUs
— David Gardner (@byDavidGardner) November 20, 2021
Georgia/ Charleston Southern and Ohio State/Michigan State are both at 42-0. Not great.
— Black Lives Matter (@NetSematary) November 20, 2021
Michigan State should play Charleston Southern. pic.twitter.com/BruTK0YloO
— Bryce Laase-Derouin (@B_DEROUIN) November 20, 2021
No. 4 Ohio State beat No. 7 Michigan State 56-7.
No. 1 Georgia beat Charleston Southern 56-7.
One blowout win is not like the other.
— RJ Young (@RJ_Young) November 20, 2021
gotta love that Charleston Southern scored against Georgia before Michigan State did vs. Ohio State
— Michelle R. Martinelli (@MMartinelli4) November 20, 2021
I haven’t seen the Spartans take a defeat like this since— [opens Wikipedia article on ancient Sparta] okay give me a second I’ll get there
— actioncookbook (@actioncookbook) November 20, 2021
Good Evening, “Michigan State football” was a 24 month sociological study conducted by Harvard University. We are now complete with our study. Thank you for your time.
— victoria (KG fighters stan) (@dirtbagqueer) November 20, 2021
This occurred three days after the headline, “Michigan State working on historic 10-year, $95 million contract extension with football coach Mel Tucker.”
Mel Tucker at halftime trying to sign that extension #Buckeyes #MSUvsOSU pic.twitter.com/aAY37mqU3Z
— Conrad Cosey (@RUN_CNC) November 20, 2021
Mel Tucker spending halftime on Docusign
— RedditCFB (@RedditCFB) November 20, 2021
MEL TUCKER SMART
— dp (@dpalm66) November 20, 2021
Mel Tucker in the locker room at halftime pic.twitter.com/eCEC4yb5Ba
— David Franklin (@_DFranklin) November 20, 2021
also Mel Tucker though pic.twitter.com/nr339TRJZb
— Noah Neidlinger (@candor_for_sale) November 20, 2021
There were two teams in the top seven that kinda made everyone say, “Well, sure, they have to be there, I guess.” Michigan State was one, and the other was …
Oregon
Didn't I just see something like this with a team in green and white earlier today? Might've been something else. Yall know my vision is bad.
— Andrew Hammond (@ahammFreePress) November 21, 2021
Pretty bold strategy for the coaches in line for major pay days to opt to get dogwalked on National TV all day.
— Mark Ennis (@MarkEnnis) November 21, 2021
In most computer ratings, the Ducks ranked in the teens or so, hanging their cute Nike sailor hats on what might end up being the season’s most baffling result, that alleged outcome in Columbus, Ohio. Utah took care of Oregon’s CFP ranking, 38-7, but also only made Ohio State’s loss look weirder.
Oregon was like “okay guys, company’s coming, let’s just shove all the ‘if our QB can’t cook we’re kind of screwed’ in the closet”
— Jane Coaston (@janecoaston) November 21, 2021
The CFP committee explaining how they had Oregon at number three pic.twitter.com/4YFEOQni3k
— Gump Cathcart (@bubbagumpino) November 21, 2021
Alleged Playoff team getting second-degree transitively manhandled by San Diego State right now
— Alex Kirshner (@alex_kirshner) November 21, 2021
PAC12 absolutely stacked from top to bottom with teams that would lose to South Carolina
— Amanda Mull (@amandamull) November 21, 2021
Oregon pic.twitter.com/dUzUEpmgu5
— Richard
Johnson (@RJ_Writes) November 21, 2021
more like GLUte-ah because they’re kicking Oregon’s butt right now
— Mike Golic Jr (@mikegolicjr) November 21, 2021
Puddles is on the phone. Oregon wasn't made for this moment. He's tuned out, like the national media and the recruits pic.twitter.com/dENNn3FrDU
— Justis Mosqueda (NFL Owner) (@JuMosq) November 21, 2021
As a person who’s prepped many a blog post ahead of time, I can confirm the following whoopsie (these things happen) very likely means the post was typed out and set aside way in advance. It was 28-0 at halftime, so sure.
ESPN had this ready for a while and forgot to fill it in
— RedditCFB (@RedditCFB) November 21, 2021
On a positive note, Oregon can just go to a regular-person bowl game now, even if reaching the Rose Bowl itself requires wins over a pretty good Oregon State and … uh-oh … Utah.
Playing a Rose Bowl is more fun than being in the playoffs. Embrace tradition. Reject CFBP https://t.co/qlGwfnuzld
— Justis Mosqueda (NFL Owner) (@JuMosq) November 21, 2021
The Pac-12 made it to mid November.
Progress.
— Peter Burns (@PeterBurnsESPN) November 21, 2021
THE MAIN CHARACTER, season-long lifetime achievement award: Nebraska
In and of itself, the Huskers’ last-minute disemboweller of a loss to rival Wisconsin would count as a difficult Saturday, if not particularly worthy of Main Character recognition. Nebraska, after all, is now 3-8, and nobody spends all that much time heaping national mockery onto teams with such records, unless they’re Texas. (It’s really fun, how bad Texas is.)
Except Nebraska does this every single week. And I dunno about you, but I was tired of mocking this poor team over a month ago. Nebraska has broken the Main Character’s capacity for hateration.
And … that ended as predictably as possible.
— Stewart Mandel (@slmandel) November 20, 2021
CAN YOU BELIEVE NEBRASKA LOST IN AGAIN ONE POSSESSION GAME??? YES HAHAHA YES!! pic.twitter.com/V3zf972L0Y
— Sickos Committee (@SickosCommittee) November 20, 2021
Sent to me by a Nebraska fan friend pic.twitter.com/4Gbql3pmcX
— Alex Drain (@Alex_Drain) November 20, 2021
Nebraska ties all-time FBS record for one-score losses in a season (7 games)
— Pick Six Previews (@PickSixPreviews) November 20, 2021
3-8 Nebraska is 9 plays away from being 11-0.
— RedditCFB (@RedditCFB) November 20, 2021
It’s beyond perverse at this point. No one deserves this https://t.co/ah5EmtYxvz
— David Ubben (@davidubben) November 21, 2021
Nebraska trying to win a close football game. pic.twitter.com/1pZctZAWeI
— Ben Stevens (@BenScottStevens) November 20, 2021
Their only loss by more than a touchdown was by nine points to freaking Ohio State. They nearly beat the teams currently ranked No. 2, No. 6, No. 10, No. 12, and No. 18 in the AP. Power ratings like SP+, Team Rankings, and FPI, all of which perform well against Vegas, consider Nebraska a top-35 team, better than some teams with 10 or even 11 wins.
It’s not even a joke. This is the best three-win team ever, at least since teams started playing schedules of more than, like, eight games. What a horrible thing to be.
Best SP+ ranking for 3-win teams, last 100 yrs (min. 10 gms):
2021 Nebraska (3-8, currently 25th)
2000 Colorado (38th)
1991 USC (39th)
1940 TCU (42nd)
1998 Auburn (43rd)
2015 Ga Tech (43rd)(Those teams averaged 7.6 wins the next year, btw. CU went 10-3.) https://t.co/8joccS8Zwq
— Bill Connelly (@ESPN_BillC) November 21, 2021
Nebraska is 1-7 in the B1G.
Michigan State is 6-2.This season has been bonkers for the Huskers. https://t.co/1IYKsM1Iv7
— Ralph D. Russo (@ralphDrussoAP) November 22, 2021
This result had to cut as deep as any of the others, not only because of compounding despair, but because Nebraska should’ve gotten one last chance much closer to the goal line.
This is why Scott Frost was so mad. Wow. #GBR pic.twitter.com/XjIu0cF6PL
— Bill Schammert (@BillSchammert) November 21, 2021
And now, things can either get even worse …
nebraska is somehow going to lose to iowa by a fractional score
— Ryan Nanni (@celebrityhottub) November 20, 2021
… or the Huskers can become quite arguably the greatest four-win team ever. Hold onto hope, if you got it.
Man I thought Huskers we’re gonna pull it out. Well, the sun will still rise in the morning unless I’m tempted to eat this 12 pack of oatmeal creams. Proud of the team. 1 game left then let’s turn the corner. Like Craig T Nelson said on celeb poker with a pair of 2’s. “Im all in”
— Larry The Cable Guy (@GitRDoneLarry) November 21, 2021
Previously in THE MAIN CHARACTER
- Week 1: Brian Kelly
- Week 2: Ohio State
- Week 3: The Pac-12
- Week 4: Dabo Swinney
- Week 5: Jimbo Fisher
- Week 6: Alabama
- Week 7: Lane Kiffin, on purpose
- Week 8: Penn State
- Week 9: Jim Harbaugh
- Week 10: Purdue’s opponents
- Week 11: Texas
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