Stephen Colbert goes big, hits hard with the Anthony Weiner jokes

August is a slow news month, but "fortunately something popped up, Anthony Weiner," Stephen Colbert said on Monday's Late Show. "I just want to extend my thanks to him for rising to the occasion with this truly rock-solid story... boner." He shrugged and explained that he "ran out" of euphemisms. But he had only started in on Weiner, who was caught in yet another sexting scandal. "Of course, there are pictures," Colbert said. "I'm not going to show them, so if you want to know what they look like, put a cucumber under a linen tablecloth and then invite everyone in the world over to see it."

Sadly, Colbert said, this time was too much for his wife, Huma Abedin, who announced on Monday that she is leaving her husband — or, as Colbert put it, "that's right, she's finally cut off the Weiner." When the audience laughed, Colbert grinned sheepishly: "Thank you very much, I've been waiting four years to make that joke." Then he got to the real question: "Here's what I don't get: I don't think these women are having affairs with him, so why is he doing it? Has no one told this man about the existence of pornography? Congressman Weiner, it's everywhere — you can even get it on that phone you're currently holding next to your penis. Maybe Weiner just likes the danger, you know? He likes the danger of doing this. So, Anthony, why don't you just look at the porn while jumping off a cliff."

Weiter jokes depleted, Colbert turned to the controversy of 49ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick refusing to stand during the pledge of allegiance, the new Obama date biopic Southside With You — he came up with a couple more presidential couple date movies of historical accuracy but questionable taste — and the MTV Video Music Awards. You can watch below.