List: Reasons Your Child May Be Repeatedly Yelling “Mom!” from the Top of the Stairs by Marika Seigel
Needs glass of water
Spilled glass of water
Needs shower temperature adjusted by imperceptible degree
Scrubby thing stuck to faucet
Needs towel that is hanging approx. 15 inches away
Itchy kneecaps require lotion
Needs help rubbing lotion into kneecaps
Too much lotion on kneecaps!
Kneecaps sting real bad
Needs bandaid
Not that bandaid
Announcing need for or accomplishment of defecation
Wants you to watch stuffed dog being thrown into the air
Wants you to watch stuffed dog being punched in the face
Wonders whether it hurts Godzilla’s feelings when he is attacked with planes and guns when all he wants is a snack
Wants a snack
Wonders what happens after death
Wonders why someone spray-painted “God is dead” on the side of that bridge
Requires concise introduction to existentialism
Requires boxes of various sizes
Requires hot glue gun for that goddamn balsa wood airplane you bought in Latvia
Just making sure you’re still there