The first published game from the Vampire Survivors' devs is a ludicrous hack-n-slash you control by mashing your keyboard and, oh, it's out right now

Famously, Benjamin Franklin once remarked—in a 1789 letter to Jean-Baptiste Le Roy—that "In this world nothing is certain, except Berserk or Die." He was right. Featured during the PC Gaming Show 2025, Berserk or Die is an absurd, manic, and absurdly manic retro-style slice of chaos where your goal is to absolutely wild out on the battlefield, slaughtering as many foes as you can before you succumb to the enemy's legions. Or, in other words, either go berserk or die.

The game is out literally right now, and if you need a delicious tidbit to tempt you to check it out, how's this: You literally control it by mashing your keyboard. I already do that every day in my professional life and am excited to bring it into my gaming time.

Yep, you control your warrior by pounding the right and left halves of your keeb with your palms like a very angry chimpanzee. Pound the left half and you attack to your left, slam the right and you go right. The more keys you wham with your meaty mitts, the wider the range of your attacks. I gotta be honest, I'm hoping the next Elden Ring plays much the same way.

It's not all about the keyboard, mind you. You occasionally take a break to whizz your mouse around with wild and aimless abandon, activating special abilities that ruin your enemies' day. Would you be surprised to learn this is the first ever published title from poncle, the guys who made Vampire Survivors? Me neither. You'll be even less surprised when you learn that—once you've seen off your foes—you spend the nights upgrading your character, exchanging cash for healing and buffs.

The whole thing looks ludicrous in the best tradition of games like, well, Vampire Survivors: a true 'kill 'em all and let god sort them out' simulator that I will inevitably lose countless hours to. If you fancy joining me in that endeavour, you can find Berserk or Die right now on Steam.