Dancing Horses At The Olympics Should Get Their Own Fucking Medals
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This is bullshit and we shouldn’t stand for it.
People, we need to talk about this. We need to talk about the rank unfairness of the horses in the horse dancing getting bullshit tiny medals, while their humans get the proper ones.
Christian Petersen / Getty Images
Obviously, OBVIOUSLY, the horse is the most important part of horse dancing. Just look at this human desperately trying to steal the spotlight.
"Oh, yeah, cool bow, that's the same as all my dancing, you fuckwit." – That horse
NBC / Via thewire.com
Just look at all this complicated dancing and tell me that the real winner here isn't the horse. That rider is just along, quite literally, for the ride.
Note: All these GIFs are from the 2012 Olympics, because the IOC is a sensible organisation that wants to promote Rio 2016 sport as openly and widely as possible and wouldn't do anything ludicrous like try to put a content wall across the entire internet.
NBC / Via thewire.com
This horse, which danced to the Grammy Award–winning 1999 hit "Smooth" by Santana featuring Rob Thomas of Matchbox Twenty from the multi-platinum album Supernatural, deserves its own damn medal.
The horse's name is Lorenzo. Give Lorenzo a medal.
David Rogers / Getty Images