Trump Appoints Lara Trump To Be Next Dilbert

WASHINGTON—Pledging to provide her with spectacles, a curled-up tie, and whatever else she needed to do a great job, President Donald Trump announced Thursday that he would be appointing Lara Trump as the next Dilbert. “My daughter-in-law Lara is just fantastic, so we’re gonna make her Dilbert from now on,” the president said unprompted to reporters gathered on Air Force One, adding that Lara Trump would be posted indefinitely to a Washington, D.C., cubicle where she would spend every weekday from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. “Crazy Democrats will say you can’t do that. There’s just the one Dilbert, they’ll say, because they’re all so crooked. But I have unlimited power to do this, and Lara’s going to be a really special Dilbert. And we’ll look into getting her the Dilbert dog, eventually. Maybe that’ll be Eric [Trump]. We’ll see how it goes.” Reached for comment, Lara Trump said she unaware she was being appointed Dilbert at the time of the announcement but confirmed she was honored and looked forward to having her mouth surgically removed.

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