Dear Abby: At the end of my friend’s party, I learned I was paying for it

DEAR ABBY: A friend invited me to his birthday dinner at a popular restaurant. I got him a nice bottle of wine and a book as a gift.

There were 10 people at the table. One person had flown in from Chicago, another from L.A.

After we’d eaten and were conversing, the birthday boy excused himself. While he was gone, the waiter presented the bill, and it was then made clear that the rest of us were expected to pay for his birthday celebration. Split among us, it came to $99 each.

I put it on my credit card without comment; however, I was taken aback. I would never invite friends and then expect them to pay.

I bounced this off a couple of other friends. Both said it was unacceptable behavior. What is your opinion? Am I unaware of this as a social norm?

— STUNNED IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR STUNNED: If this has become a social norm, I am as unaware as you are. When guests are invited to a celebration, it is the host’s responsibility to treat them unless it is understood when the invitation is issued that everyone will be expected to pay for the meal.

The next time this person invites you somewhere, make sure to ask whether you will be splitting the bill. That way there will be no surprises.

DEAR ABBY: My wife of seven years secretly visits her ex-husband. She visits him with and without his spouse present. However, she forbids me from speaking to or visiting any woman from my past unless she is present.

My wife suffers from major depression. She’s on medication but refuses to see a counselor.

Her family has informed me that she was unfaithful to spouses prior to me. I am faithful to her. The person she visits is a friend she has known for years.

Should I look the other way, or am I entitled to be upset about the situation?

— UPSET IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR UPSET: You are entitled to be upset. The woman to whom you are married appears to live by a double standard.

If you want to spend your life under her thumb and looking the other way while she may or may not cheat on you, I can’t stop you.

But the person who should be talking to a counselor is not her. She’s living her life exactly the way she wants. The person who should be receiving counseling is you, because if your marriage were a happy one, you wouldn’t have found it necessary to write to me.

DEAR ABBY: I am one of those unfortunate people who has loud, violent sneezes.

When I’m at home, it is no problem, but how do I keep them quiet when I’m out or at work? Stifling them hurts my back and stomach muscles.

— SNEEZY IN NEW YORK

DEAR SNEEZY: It may not be healthy to stifle a sneeze. Because you know you are prone to this, keep a handkerchief at the ready, which may muffle some of the sound.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.