Patriot! Here’s How to Identify a Domestic Terrorist

The terrorists are the ones without masks. They’re the ones yelling “No!” or “Stop!” or “Shame!” or blowing whistles. Sometimes they brandish cameras at federal agents. Sometimes they wantonly swallow whole canisters of pepper spray. These are just some of their diabolical tactics.

The terrorists are the ones who call this place home (that’s what makes it domestic terror). The terrorists are the ones who are dressed as clergy. Some of them, confusingly, are even ordained as clergy. As you look, ask yourself: Is that a Minnesota nice person (not even guaranteed to be “nice”!) or a Minnesota ICE person? (The former is a terrorist; the latter basically has total immunity.) Is he a nurse who works for the VA, or a masked man shooting him in the back? Remember, the terrorist is the one trying to protect his neighbor.

You can tell they’re terrorists because they didn’t just stay home. Any good, law-abiding citizens would know better than to put themselves in harm’s way. On such a cold day! They think they’re there to help, but they’re not. They’re raising their voices. They’re asking for it. They’re following federal agents in minivans with stuffed animals in their glove box. Sometimes, they wear hats. Sometimes, they have beards. Sometimes, they’re 5 years old. It doesn’t matter. The terrorists are the ones you watch slump over in the unbearable videos, the ones who should be standing, should be breathing, but aren’t.

The worst thing of all is the weapon they keep unleashing against ICE: disrespect. Not the kind of disrespect that doesn’t see you as human, mind. That’s paltry compared with this one, the kind that doesn’t see you as authority. The terrorists may complain about being slammed into the snow or yanked out of the Target where they’re working or having the window of their vehicle smashed in or being flung into a van and sent to a detention facility in another state. But that’s superficial compared with the deep impact of disrespect. That’s the weapon these terrorists never stop wielding.

Make no mistake, though: The terrorists are very, very dangerous. They are spreading their poisonous ideology everywhere. Even to places on the internet where you thought you’d never see their ideas. Martha Stewart is with them! Republicans have even started to take their side.

That’s the danger. They’re insidious, these terrorists. If you see enough of them, you start to wonder, because they seem just like your neighbors. They seem just like you. They hardly seem like terrorists at all.