'He sulked, he slouched': Analyst claims 'puny' parade left Trump miserable

Americans “really let President Donald Trump down on June 14," USA Today columnist Rex Huppke mocked on Monday.

With more than five million people rallying at various ‘no kings’ protests, Huppke wanted those demonstrators to know how “hurtful that was for a man who just wanted to have a cool birthday parade that would make him feel like a powerful dictator?”

Huppke went on the argued that the parade, which was supposed to celebrate the 250th anniversary of the Army but which happened to fall on Trump’s 79th birthday, “all felt a bit phoned in and drab.”

The columnist later added that Trump “looked like a kid who wanted a Nintendo Switch 2 for his birthday and instead got a desultory military parade.”

“He sulked. He slouched.” Huppke said of the Commander-in-Chief’s disposition at the parade.

“At one point, the band played an instrumental version of Creedence Clearwater Revival’s “Fortunate Son,” a famous anti-war song that decried wealthy families able to keep their kids out of the draft during the Vietnam War.”

Huppe joked that the song “probably made Trump’s bone spurs hurt.”

“Through it all,” Huppke said, “Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth sat next to the president, looking like a guy about to be held accountable for not making the parade ‘strong’ and ‘huge’ enough.”

“For shame, Americans,” Huppke wrote sarcastically. “President Trump has been working tirelessly to enrich himself and not do any of the things he said he would do, other than the be-cruel-to-immigrants thing, and this is how you repay him?”

“By making his parade seem puny and sad while making your own grievances seem widespread and legitimate?”

“Look what you all did! You made the poor man completely lose his mind and start babbling like a maniac who capitalizes words For No reason!” Huppke added, “I hope you’re happy with yourselves. I certainly am.”

He ended the column with a devil emoji.