The Giants went out and traded for the 32-year-old
Evan Longoria, who has rapidly been declining for years. Please, keep that in mind while I run down their lineup. Hitting leadoff...Steven Duggar? Is that the Christian with 52 kids who is cheating on his wife with his butler or some shizz? Maybe, it's definitely not Christian Arroyo, he was traded. Hitting 2nd...Joe Panik? We're only two guys in, but Panik, indeed. Then will come their newly-minted three-hole hitter, Longoria, followed by the 14-homer, don't-touch-his-pretty-boy-face, Buster Posey. Please never let me see another one of those commercials with Posey in it. Please. Next up! A guy whose hits are described as "belting one" because his last name is Belt, and for no other reason. It is completely and unequivocally not because he hits the ball hard. Followed by...Is it a bird? Is it a plane? Is it my 72-year-old aunt trying to throw a baseball? No, it's The Gangly Manbird, Hunter Pence. Next up, some combination of Brandon Crawford, Jarrett Parker and let's hope Madison Bumgarner knocks in a runner otherwise they're going to lose 95 games. As my intern, let's call him, Lalph Rifshitz would say, that's primo, bud. As for Longoria, he should feel at home with the Giants since he is used to being in places that collect old people. On the bright side, Longoria plays a lot, staying on the field. On the dim side, you kinda wish he'd take more days off. For 2018, I'll give Longoria the projections of 86/22/94/.271/2 in 608 ABs. Anyway, here's what else I saw this offseason for fantasy baseball:
