Beverage of the Week: Loyal 9 Lemonade is OK! Mostly!

Welcome back to FTW’s Beverage of the Week series. Here, we mostly chronicle and review beers, but happily expand that scope to any beverage that pairs well with sports. Yes, even cookie dough whiskey.

I pride myself in an encyclopedic knowledge of all Rhode Island’s garbage cuisines. I’m not talking about lobsters or fine seaside dining. I speak to the glory of pizza strips and hot weiners and stuffed quahogs and frozen by-god lemonade.

This makes Loyal 9 cocktails a mystery. Their labels say “Founded in R.I.” with the iconic anchor of our flag next to the statement. But nothing on the official website says a thing about the best damn state in the union.

Digging further into the matter brings up Sons of Liberty’s Loyal 9 vodka, distilled with “local Rhode Island corn” which I assure you has never been a sigil of Rhody pride. It also suggests there’s a limit to how much the whole process can be scaled up, since:

a) tiny state, and

b) while farms certainly exist and thrive, they are far outnumbered by strip mall sports bars where everyone refers to each other — friend, foe, family member — as either “guy” or “kiiidddd.”

My extremely localized concerns aside, I’m happy for a change in pace. It’s still summer, and a canned cocktail is a great poolside drink since you can’t bring bottles an– oh my goodness, it’s 9 percent alcohol. OK, so, only bring like two or three or else I’m gonna start RKOing kids off the diving board again, and they told me I used up my one warning. Hey man, it’s fine, we’re all having fun here.

Right, sorry, where were we?

Loyal 9. Canned cocktails. Uncarbonated and packing the punch of an actual mixed drink and not a hard seltzer. Let’s go.

(No adults were ejected from the pool during the sampling of these beverages.)